Steinbrenner suing MLB in wake of Wang injury

NEW YORK CITY, NY — After ace pitcher Chien-Ming Wang suffered an injured foot during yesterday’s game in Houston against the Astros, New York Yankees boss Hank Steinbrenner has filed suit against Major League Baseball and Commissioner Bud Selig.

Wang injured his foot while running the bases – an activity he normally does not participate in. In interleague play, AL teams playing in NL parks are forced to play without a DH, meaning pitchers like Wang have to bat.

“This never would have happened if it wasn’t for all this damned interleague bullshit,” a furious Steinbrenner fumed. “This was all that little twit Selig’s idea. If he were here right now I’d knock his little wrinkled head off.”

While the full extent of Wang’s injury is not yet known, it is feared that the right-hander could miss as much as three or four months. The Yankees are already struggling, near last place in the AL East with a record around .500, so Wang’s injury could not have come at a worse time.

“If we miss the playoffs because of this, I’m gonna add every dollar of that lost playoff revenue to my lawsuit against Major League Baseball,” Steinbrenner said, noting too that he has suffered “acute mental distress,” for which he also deserves compensation. “This team is good enough to win the World Series. I built the entire team myself, every piece of it, so I should know.

“But now that Wang is hurt – all because he had to bat because of the fucking National League rules – now we’re gonna lose. There’s a reason the designated hitter was invented, you know. It’s time for Selig and the National League to join the rest of us in the 21^st century.”

Steinbrenner denied allegations that he may be trying to blame a mediocre season on an injury that has little to do with Selig. He also denied interest in Cleveland Indians’ starter C.C. Sabbathia, who is rumored to be available via trade.

“Why would we do that? We’re all about patience here in the Yankee organization. No way we’re gonna trade out future for a possible playoff run this season.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!