Stanley Cup confiscated by airport security

PITTSBURGH, PA — After a tiring 82-game regular season and 4 grueling playoff series, the Detroit Red Wings finally got their hands on hockey’s most illustrious prize. But only hours after their momentous win, it was taken away.

The elated Red Wings filtered back to the Pittsburgh International Airport to catch a chartered jet home to Detroit, but were unexpectedly delayed by customs officials who refused to allow Lord Stanley’s Cup on board.

“It made no sense at all,” said Detroit head coach Mike Babcock. “We just won a professional championship, and now we get hassled at the airport? We just want to get home and celebrate. I mean, does anyone on our team actually look like a terrorist threat? Well, I guess Holmstrom does, with his playoff beard. And Datsyuk looks kind of sneaky.”

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An airport security representative told SSNN that the staff is required to respond to anything that screeners determine to be suspicious situations. “We have a job to do, and we can’t afford to treat certain people differently just because they say they play professional ice hockey. This piece of luggage could have contained any number of dangerous weapons or bombs. In addition, many of the passengers were from Sweden, a notable terrorist hideout.”

The large metal cup set off the metal detector, and when the players refused to allow security officials to cut the Cup open for a quick search, the trophy was necessarily seized.

“I’ve never even heard of this trophy before,” said patriotic airport security guard Kyle Hammond. “When the Steelers won the Super bowl, there was no trouble at all. The trophy looks just like a football. But this was just like I had a bunch of Scandanavians trying to convince me that some lump of metal is a prize.”

The Cup was kept overnight in a secure location on the airport grounds, and is expected to be returned to the team “within a reasonable period of time.”