Reconstructive mojo repair successful for Tiger

WINDERMERE, FL — The good news is that Tiger Woods underwent successful surgery Wednesday. The bad news is that the golf mega-star’s newly repaired mojo will still cause him to miss the remainder of the PGA tour season.

Dr. Mike Powers said the procedure went very well, and that while Woods will miss a significant amount of time – up to six months – he should be back and better than ever next year.

“It really speaks to his physical prowess,” Powers said. “Most men could only go three, maybe four holes with Rocco Mediate before his mojo-sucking aura completely destroyed them. For Tiger to go 19 holes against the guy is simply incredible.”

Powers, widely acknowledged as the world’s foremost mojo repair surgeon, explained to SSNN that Tiger’s mojo will not be back at 100% until November at the earliest, but that he should have no problems utilizing his mojo during everyday situations within the week.

Woods was unavailable for comment, but a spokesman for the world’s #1 golfer said that while Tiger’s mojo is nowhere near its 2006 levels, it is improving daily. According to Powers, the toughest part of mojo repair is often the months of rehab required.

“You gotta respect guys that are willing to do the insane amount of work that goes into repairing their mojo,” he said. “Most guys, if they were Tiger, would just call it a career and stay at home trying to get their Swedish wife to make a sex tape. Not Tiger – he’s a grinder.”

Powers added that Tiger could probably win the final two majors this season, but that with his mojo at less than full strength it would likely do more harm than good.

“Oh yeah, he could probably win the British or the PGA, but it would be boring. And really, if golf fans wanted a completely uncharismatic guy to root for, why look any further than Phil Mickelson?”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!