Major League managers pay tribute to Carlin

CHICAGO, IL — The death of actor/comedian George Carlin has not only had an effect on the entertainment community, but the sports community as well.

The stand-up legend’s influence was never more evident than yesterday, when Major League Baseball managers gathered in Chicago to celebrate the life of Carlin. Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen said that Carlin not only revolutionized comedy, but managing as well.

“Shit, he paved the way for us,” Guillen said. “Look how many fucking dirty words I can use now. Before, it was really hard to get those cocksucking umpires to kick you out of the game. Now, you just drop one of those seven dirty words and you’re gone.”

Cubs manager Lou Piniella agreed with Guillen, even adding that before he received his first managerial job with the New York Yankees in 1986, team owner George Steinbrenner asked him to go over a couple of Carlin’s routines.

“I was pissed off,” Piniella recalled. “I thought to myself, what does this motherfucker know about managing baseball? But the more I listened to that cunt, the more I realized how fucking genius he was.”

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A few of the better-tempered umpires even joined in on the celebration. Ed Montague, an veteran of 31 years behind the plate, was able to laugh off the effect of Carlin on Major League managers.

“You can just see it in some guy’s eyes,” he said. “If you make a questionable call, you know they’re going to sprint on to that field and ask, ‘What the hell were you looking at bitch-tits? Get your fucking head out of your ass…’ In situations like that, there’s not much to do but laugh and realize you just got Carlin-ed.”

The importance of Carlin is not lost on aspiring managers, either. Ryne Sandberg, manager of the Cubs single-A affiliate Peoria Chiefs, spoke at length about the comedy great.

“Fans think it’s easy to run out there and drop a couple f-bombs and such on umpires, but there’s an art to it,” said Sandberg. “I’ve only mastered the use of ’shit,’ which honestly won’t get you ejected from many games these days. But the day I really nail an umpire with a, ‘What’s your second job, cocksucking?’ then I’ll know I’m ready for the big leagues.”