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News Item

Jay-Z knocks out Vitale

NEW YORK CITY, NY — Dick Vitale is recovering today after having his jaw wired shut overnight, a byproduct of being punched in the face by Jay-Z following the NBA Draft.

The incident occurred late in the evening, when Jay-Z – whose given name is Shawn Carter – confronted Vitale at a Manhattan eatery. According to SSNN sources, Carter was extremely upset over some racist comments that Vitale made about him on the air during last night’s NBA Draft.

“Yeah, I punched him,” Carter said. “Because he kept calling me a minority owner of the Nets. Why can’t I be an American owner of the Nets, or a human owner? Why do I have to be defined by the color of my skin?”

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