Jay-Z knocks out Vitale

NEW YORK CITY, NY — Dick Vitale is recovering today after having his jaw wired shut overnight, a byproduct of being punched in the face by Jay-Z following the NBA Draft.

The incident occurred late in the evening, when Jay-Z – whose given name is Shawn Carter – confronted Vitale at a Manhattan eatery. According to SSNN sources, Carter was extremely upset over some racist comments that Vitale made about him on the air during last night’s NBA Draft.

“Yeah, I punched him,” Carter said. “Because he kept calling me a minority owner of the Nets. Why can’t I be an American owner of the Nets, or a human owner? Why do I have to be defined by the color of my skin?”

Carter, who owns approximately one and a half percent of the Nets, approached Vitale and loudly expressed his displeasure. During the confrontation, Vitale attempted to explain his comments, apparently, but was cut off by Carter.

“Jay was yelling, saying stuff like, ‘Would you call Barack Obama a minority on TV?’ and ‘Martin Luther King did not die so you could oppress me!’” Vitale remembered, despite his head injury. “It was really weird. I am not a hundred percent sure that Jay understands the concept of being a minority owner … Um, I mean, owning less than the majority of the team.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!