Jackson, Lakers practice excuses

LOS ANGELES, CA — Los Angeles Lakers head coach Phil Jackson, along with his team, went to the Staples Center conference room for an interesting workout after Monday’s practice in preparation for Game 3 of the NBA Finals.

Down 2-0 in series to the Boston Celtics, Jackson believed a different approach would have to be taken to get ready for the upcoming games in Los Angeles.

“In addition to preparing for the Celtics, we really need to get our excuses coordinated so that we’re not saying a million different things after our next loss,” Jackson told SSNN. “After Game 1, I wanted to play the ‘Paul Pierce isn’t really injured’ angle, but some of the guys took it upon themselves to say that the rod that holds the backboard to the upright pole was longer in Boston than elsewhere. I think it was Kobe who said it really threw off his shooting, but it doesn’t really matter who said what – I just want the whole team to be on the same page.”

According to Jackson, the general pattern of excuse-making has his team on the right track, but he’d rather have them stick to one story.

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“After the fiasco that was our first loss, we worked hard at playing the referee card. We knew that if we weren’t aggressive at all, didn’t even attempt to drive the lane, and played the least-physical style of offense we possibly could, then we could blame the refs for early foul calls and say they forced us to play tentative,” Jackson continued. “If we can get these excuses down pat and really work on articulating them well, we won’t be so embarrassed after our next loss. And of course, I’d be lying if I said that being back on our home court won’t make everyone a little more comfortable.”

“I like what coach is doing,” star guard Kobe Bryant commented. “We need to revamp all facets of our game, and this is a really good place to start.”

SSNN had hoped to reach Pau Gasol for comment, but nobody inside the Lakers organization can remember seeing him since the end of their Western Conference Championship victory over the San Antonio Spurs.

Sasha Vujacic, on the other hand, was more than willing to speak. In fact, he spent more than ten minutes of his time explaining the origin of his self-given nickname, “The Machine.” When asked about his team’s excuse-making, however, Vujacic had nothing to offer but an excuse.

“My headband was a huge problem for me. It failed to keep sweat out of my face, and as you can see on tape there was hair in my eyes almost the whole game,” the Bosnian guard told SSNN. “I’m going to take it back to the Limited Too and get a new one.”