Harrison seeks legal advice from Lewis, Simpson

PHILADELPHIA, PA — Under investigation regarding his involvement in a Philadelphia shooting, Indianapolis Colts’ wide receiver Marvin Harrison is not taking any chances.

An anonymous source close to the Pro Bowler told SSNN that in the past few days Harrison has made several phone calls to current and former NFL players who successfully navigated murder investigations – including Ray Lewis and O.J. Simpson.

“The murder weapon was Marvin’s own gun,” the source said. “And he had gotten into an altercation with the victim at the bar [Harrison] owns. On top of that, the shooting occurred outside a car wash Harrison owns. Looks pretty damning, right?

“Of course, you need to keep in mind that he’s a football player; and in this country, all football players are presumed innocent until proven they have enough money to buy an acquittal. That’s where Lewis and Simpson come in.”

Lewis pled down to probation for his involvement in a double murder following a Super Bowl party in 2000; and Simpson, of course, was tried and acquitted in the double murder of his ex-wife and her alleged lover.

“He’s just been reaching out, seeing what the legal process is all about for football players faced with overwhelming evidence,” the source went on. “Because the shooting victim survived, both Ray and O.J. could only offer limited advice. Ray actually said, ‘You should have made sure he was dead,’ and Simpson told Harrison, ‘Only I am above law.’ Which is pretty ridiculous given his current predicament. I guess he’s only above the law when it comes to double murder.”

Reportedly Harrison has been exploring other ways of getting out of an attempted murder indictment, such as claiming that aliens from Jupiter forged the gun ownership documents, or asserting that one of Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid’s sons did it.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!