Don Zimmer panics, frantically calls friends in New York after watching Cloverfield

TAMPA, FL — An extremely confused and concerned Don Zimmer frantically began calling former New York Yankees teammates and fellow coaches yesterday, after seeing the movie Cloverfield and growing concerned for the well-being of his friends.

“That monster destroyed New York recently, I guess,” Zimmer told SSNN. “I’m not quite sure when it happened – but it was on TV, so I guess it was recently. Anyway, I’m watching it and I’m thinking, ‘I know some people in New York, I should call them and make sure they’re okay.’ So I did. I was able to get in touch with everyone, until I thought about Joe Torre.”

Zimmer said he tried to reach Torre at his number in Manhattan, but that the number had been disconnected and no further information was given.

“So I called the Yankees,” Zimmer said. “I talked to the receptionist and she transferred me to A-Rod, and I asked him, I said, ‘Alex, can I talk to Joe Torre?’ And A-Rod said, ‘Zim, Joe’s not here anymore.’”

Zimmer says there was only one conclusion.

“Clearly the monster has killed and maybe even eaten Joe Torre,” he said. “I mean, what else could have happened? You heard what Alex said – that Joe’s not with them anymore. It’s really a tragedy, because Joe Torre was a really special guy and a great manager for the Yankees.”

Zimmer said he’s going to try and make the funeral for Torre, but only if it’s deemed safe to travel to New York, “what with the monster and all.” Whether or not he makes the funeral, however, Zimmer says he’s sad about the events in NYC.

“It’s really a shame,” Zimmer said. “Joe deserved a better fate than having some monster that eats all the joy out of New York City come in and chuck him out of there as he messes everything up.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!