Bradley dotting I’s with hearts in attempt to soften image

ARLINGTON, TX — Still plagued by many of the image problems that have handcuffed his career, Milton Bradley has taken a drastic new course.

According to recent reports from Texas, Bradley has started scribbling a small heart atop the “I” in his first name when signing autographs – and checks, and bills, and basically anything else he signs for any reason.

“It’s just a little something I’m working on to soften myself up a bit. You know, to make the public realize that I’m a bit more human,” Bradley said. “I was trying the whole ‘Uncle Milty’ thing, but that didn’t really do anything except creep people out. So I’ve started to go with this, and it’s really taking off. People love it.”

Texas Rangers team officials are thrilled with the development. According to many within the organization, they believe Bradley’s willingness to make this sort of token change is a reflection of a new, better attitude.

“Yeah, it’s kind of nice,” said Rangers GM Jon Daniels. “I mean, here’s a guy – and he’s trying really hard to sort of clean up his image, so he’s chosen a very innocuous, positive way of doing that. He’s found a little tiny thing that he can do… But you should see the look on people’s faces when they see the heart over the ‘I.’ It’s like Milton found a roadmap to their soul.”

Not all of the Rangers are in support of the new Milton, however. Josh Hamilton, another formerly troubled athlete who is prospering for the Rangers, does not love Bradley’s new attempt at PR.

“It’s a little gay,” Hamilton said. “And I don’t really like gay stuff. So by the transitive property, I don’t really like Milton anymore.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!