“Boston Madge” keeps championship train rolling through Boston

BOCA RATON, FL — Titletown. Championship, MA.

Boston, Massachusetts has enjoyed an embarrassment of sports riches recently – between the Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics, Boston has been home to six major sports championships in the last six years.

The city’s streak of dominance continued yesterday as 75-year-old “Boston” Madge O’Flannery of South Boston, MA edged out 82-year-old veteran Bertha Finkelstein of Buffalo, NY to defend her crown in the National Knitting Championship in Boca Raton, Florida.

Feared in knitting circles for her arthritis-free hands and chronic hacking cough, Boston Madge took home the title by completing an entire hat and a pair of socks in the final four-hour speed round.

“Oh I like to knit and I enjoy the Florida weather tremendously,” Madge told SSNN after the traditional post-victory drinking of Metamucil. “So it was a good reason to come back down here and visit with some folks I met last year. And the biscuits they serve here are delicious.”

It was that type of competitive fire that led Boston Madge to push herself to the edge physically down the stretch. In the final hour of the competition, she only stopped to rest seven times, for a total relaxation time of 20:43.

“Sometimes my hands get tired so I stop. I thought about letting Bertha catch up and win, but then I got a little restless and started knitting again. I’ll tell you, the hardest part is sitting for that long. It makes my boompy hurt.”

It is this type of sacrifice that makes her family proud. When contacted for comment, her son Patrick O’Flannery told SSNN, “Oh, I didn’t realize she was down there again. I haven’t talked to her in a few days.”

When asked whether or not Terry Francona, Bill Belichick or Doc Rivers had called to congratulate her, Madge appeared to be confused. “Who? I don’t think I’ve heard from anyone, but my mobile phone is a little tricky so sometimes I miss calls.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!