A-Rod’s heart touched by Katy Perry single

NEW YORK CITY, NY — With the New York Yankees hovering in third place in the AL East, 5.5 games behind the surging Tampa Bay Rays, Alex Rodriguez has been a noticeable bright spot in the dimmed Yankees clubhouse.

Despite losses, freak injuries, and overall poor team performance, A-Rod has regularly been seen singing, dancing, and humming while he admires himself in the mirror. Both the Yankees organization and the press have been mystified.

Finally, last night, Rodriguez coyly revealed the news: he kissed a girl, and he liked it.

“Well, it all started a few weeks ago, when I heard that awesome new single by Katy Perry. You know the one – about how she kissed a girl, and she liked the taste of her cherry chapstick? I heard that song, and not only is it catchy, but it’s so real,” Rodriguez explained, when pressed for background on his bizarre comment. “It touched my heart, and I was inspired. And you know, can I just say that music is going in a good direction in general? I really love the new NKOTB tune as well – Joey McIntyre’s voice has always inflamed my loins.”

Rodriguez’s comments were met largely with silence in the clubhouse, though reporters scribbled frantically and elbowed each other, giggling. After minutes of hushed chuckes and whispers, Rodriguez was asked whether he was implying that he recently kissed a girl for the first time.

“Yeah, I am saying that,” the Yankee’s third baseman responded, grinning like an imbecile. “I’ve spent years kissing men’s asses – literally and figuratively – and I guess you could say blue lipstick was tempted by cherry chapstick. Some things just make sense, you know?”

Rodriguez added that he sought his prey at a local strip club. He did not disclose the woman’s name, only saying that he liked how she could crush coffee cans between her thighs.

Undeterred by the laughs from the growing crowd of media, A-Rod left the locker room on a high note, singing, “I kissed a girl just to try it… I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!