Zimmerman’s success traced to Craigslist

WASHINGTON, DC — A slumping Ryan Zimmerman blasted two home runs off of Houston ace Roy Oswalt Wednesday, a breakout performance after a terrible start to the season for the young third baseman. When asked after the game if he knew why he was able to bust out, Zimmerman had no answers.

“I didn’t take any extra BP or anything,” Zimmerman said. “I just sort of showed up today and felt better. I dunno — I definitely didn’t do anything different.

However, SSNN has reason to believe that Zimmerman was not being forthright. SSNN has learned that Zimmerman placed a Craigslist ad for a “slumpbuster” and that this may have been the reason for his breakout.

The ad read as follows:

SWM, 23, professional baseball player, 6′4″, 220, brown/blue, right/right, .247/.303/.401, looking for fun-loving single woman for a night on the town. NSA, not looking to fall in love, appearance doesn’t matter, just want to clear my head. No married women or Asians please. Pic gets pic. Email zimthe3b_6969 - at - hotmail - dot - com.

“Wasn’t me, dude,” said Zimmerman. “I mean, I go on Craigslist sometimes, sometimes even late at night, and sometimes I even check out the missed connections section. But it wasn’t me, I assure you. It was probably some other pro baseball player in this town who was in a horrible slump and plays third and has the last name of Zim. Besides, I use gmail.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!