Zambrano pre-orders Wii Fit

CHICAGO, IL — After searching all morning for their star pitcher, the Chicago Cubs were relieved to find Carlos Zambrano at a local GameStop placing a pre-order for the Nintendo Wii’s newest phenomenon – Wii Fit.

General manager Jim Hendry told SSNN he was just happy that Big Z was okay, and that no disciplinary action will be taken, even though the staff ace missed the morning’s team workouts.

“Carlos has spoken to me about his desire to purchase the Wii Fit,” Hendry said. “Honestly, I thought it was a joke. We do have a state-of-the-art workout facility, so I’m not really sure what a video game could offer that the Cubs can’t.”

Zambrano, who failed to notice the irony of missing a workout for the purpose of purchasing a workout video game, said he is confident the new game will take him to the next level.

“It has always been my dream to get my workouts done via a video game,” he said. “Between this game and Grand Theft Auto IV, I promise the organization that not only will I be in shape all year long, but I will be entertained as well.”

Zambrano added he hasn’t really worked out since he heard about Wii Fit’s upcoming release, saying he would simply make up for lost time once he got the game.

To his credit, Hendry is taking the situation in stride. He has already warned Big Z about the game’s 300-pound weight limit for use of the game pad, and is making plans to purchase two or three replacement pads when Zambrano inevitably breaks one.

He is also semi-confident the game will help Zambrano get into “legitimate game shape.”

“I’ve already petitioned Nintendo to make a game that involves drinking water to avoid cramps,” Hendry said. “If we can get that done as well, we’ll be in really good shape this year.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!