Raiders can’t find Warren Sapp, are concerned

OAKLAND, CA — Amid all of the hoopla surrounding the retirement of Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre, Raiders All-Pro defensive tackle Warren Sapp’s announcement that he too was calling it a career flew under the radar of most major news outlets and the public at large. The seven-time Pro Bowler announced his retirement on the same day as Favre, and gave only a few interviews before leaving the spotlight quietly.

Apparently, Sapp retired so quietly that the Oakland Raiders didn’t even realize that he was no longer a part of the team.

“Are you serious?” said Oakland coach Lane Kiffin, when told of the news. “That’s the first I’ve heard of it. I was wondering where the guy was. I haven’t seen him in weeks; he wouldn’t answer the phone… I was about to file a missing persons report with the cops. I mean, one day he’s there, the next day, it’s like, ‘Hey, where’s Warren?’”

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While Kiffin says he will miss Sapp’s presence both on the field and in the locker room, the coach’s biggest regret is that he found out about Sapp’s retirement after the NFL Draft. “We could’ve tried to get a defensive tackle or something. I don’t know – I’m really at a loss here.”

It appears upper management was equally unaware of Sapp’s decision, as Raiders chairman Al Davis made a rare public appearance to denounce Sapp.

“He’s a traitor,” Davis told reporters. “He just went and quit on us. Worst of all, he didn’t even have the nerve to tell us.”

When informed that Sapp had in fact made a retirement announcement both on his personal website and through the media, Davis expressed surprise.

“I guess I was so caught up in the whole Favre thing… Now that’s a guy that knows how to turn his goodbye into a real spectacle. That’s the way to go out. Warren should’ve been taking notes. I mean, whoever heard of a professional athlete retiring with quiet dignity?”