Popovich cancels Spurs practice

SAN ANTONIO, TX — Things are not looking good for the defending NBA Champion San Antonio Spurs.

Already trailing the Los Angeles Lakers 2-1 in the Western Conference Finals, the Spurs abruptly canceled a Monday practice due to extreme boredom.

“I’ve always said that we’re a fundamentally sound team, and if fans don’t find that interesting it’s their problem,” said head coach Greg Popovich. “But having to sit through practice this morning was brutal. I mean, it felt like I was watching a fucking WNBA game. Good God – I called it a day so I could go watch paint dry. Not really, but you get my point.”

Popovich told SSNN he cancelled practice after less than an hour when he and two assistant coaches fell asleep. Forward Tim Duncan said he was worried Popovich had gone into a coma.

“He went out like a light,” Duncan said. “Everything seemed normal – but then maybe that was the problem. We were just beginning the flopping section of our practice, and he just literally fell out of his chair.

“Pop seemed kind of upset when we woke him up. I asked if he wanted to watch me practice my bank shot for 20 or 30 minutes – that usually cheers him up, but he just cancelled the rest of practice.”

Despite the less-than-ideal practice and general lack of preparation, none of the Spurs thought it would hurt them in tonight’s game against the Lakers.

“If anything, we can use this to our advantage,” said Manu Ginobli. “We start to lull them to sleep, and then BOOM! – we lull them to sleep some more. The NBA is where amazing… ly boring happens!”

Popovich said he would be sure to drink a ridiculous amount of caffeine before tonight’s game, despite warnings from his doctor.

“It’s either a four-pack of Red Bull every 15 minutes or we play an up-tempo game,” he said. “And I don’t think we’ll be running many fast breaks tonight.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!