Noah too high to understand charges against son

PARIS, FRANCE — For all their strange behavior – and stranger hair – it seems that at least one age-old maxim applies to the Noah family: like father, like son.

Former tennis star and current French pop singer Yannick Noah made waves over Memorial Day weekend when he said he didn’t “understand all the fuss” over the open container of alcohol and marijuana cigarette that got his son – Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah – arrested in Gainesville, FL, where he recently helped the Florida Gators win two NCAA basketball championships.

SSNN sources have now confirmed that the reason for Yannick’s confusion had more to do with his own state of mind than with his skepticism towards the laws of Gainesville – “He was so high when he said that, man; I don’t think he even remembers it,” said a source with knowledge of the situation.

Friends of the 1983 French Open champ say that this sort of behavior has become commonplace since his transition into the music business. Then again, the elder Noah has admitted to smoking marijuana as early as 1981.

“Sure, Yannick’s always been a fan of the wacky tobaccy. I mean, it was the Seventies – we all got down, you know,” one member of Noah’s inner circle admitted to SSNN. “But since he became a big pop star, it’s just like he’s got a blunt in his mouth all the time. It’s like, ‘come on, Yani, you’re not Biggie Smalls.’”

According to a friend who was present when Yannick commented on his son’s legal troubles, he was caught unawares by the questioning. “When he said that thing about not understanding Joakim’s arrest, he had just woken up from a nap and he had a mouthful of Funyuns. When I told him what happened later, he totally figured it out. To tell you the truth, it’s all pretty straightforward; and Yannick’s not stupid, it’s just that he’s so high so often that sometimes things are a little confusing for him.”

As for Joakim Noah, he believes that his father’s behavior was a major contributing factor to his arrest, stopping just short of completely blaming Yannick for his problems.

“I’m gonna be honest, it can be confusing when your dad is just wandering around the neighborhood smoking spliffs and drinking cognac,” Joakim told SSNN. “You start to get so comfortable around the stuff, it just seems natural to relax outside in full view of police with a glass of booze. And I mean, if I don’t have some weed in my pocket, what am I going to do if I get stressed out?”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!