Neuheisel, Carroll engage in wrestling match over recruit

VISTA, CA — Standout prep running back Mark Gonzalez got his first up-close look at the USC-UCLA rivalry Wednesday, but it wasn’t on the football field - it was in his own living room.

Gonzalez’s mother, Louisa, said she was forced to call local law enforcement when Pete Carroll and Rick Neuheisel became involved in a heated verbal exchange that quickly turned physical, after a scheduling snafu led to the two running into each other at the Gonzalez home, both attempting to recruit her son. She claims she phoned police shortly after the altercation led to the destruction of a number of precious family heirlooms and other household items.

“It started out as a shouting match,” the concerned parent remembered. “Mr. Carroll called Mr. Neuheisel a ‘JV coach who couldn’t recruit if his grandmother’s life depended on it.’ In response, Mr. Neuheisel said Mr. Carroll was a ‘talent whore,’ and that he only cared about how many players he could send to the NFL. I had no choice but to call the cops when they began wrestling and smashed through my antique glass china cabinet.

“To be honest with you, I don’t want my lil’ Markie playing football for either one of those hooligans. He’s better than that.”

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After contemplating scholarship offers from programs around the country, Gonzalez made the decision to stay in state and therefore agreed to meet intimately with Neuheisel and then Carroll at his California home to further discuss both schools’ credentials. However, the recruiting melee was initiated when Carroll arrived at Gonzalez’s home fifteen minutes early for his visit to the sight of his next prized recruit hunkered on the couch with the coach of his Trojans‘ biggest rival.

“I’ll never forget the look on Coach Carroll’s face when he walked through the front door,” the highly coveted recruit told SSNN. “It was like he had walked in on his wife sleeping with another man. I think he felt betrayed by the fact that I was meeting with UCLA. I was hoping to get Coach Neuheisel out of the house by the time he showed up, but we started talking about our NCAA brackets and I just lost track of time.”

As noted in the report Gonzalez’s mother filed with police shortly after the incident, the violent fisticuffs between the two men continued outside in the front yard. After Carroll reportedly clothes-lined his opponent over the front porch railing, he proceeded to muzzle Neuheisel with what appeared to be some sort of modified submission maneuver. According to the police report, Neuheisel quickly fled the scene on foot after regaining consciousness, while Carroll sped off in his car.

Understandably, Wednesday’s tragedy had an adverse affect on the entire Gonzalez family, especially Mike’s father, Edgar. A former Bruin tight end, Edgar said he was particularly disappointed in Neuheisel’s behavior and now believes his son would be better suited to consider a host of other schools, even those outside of the state.

“I find it hard to stomach the thought of sending my son to play for a man of such weak physical fiber. C’mon, you can’t even take Pete Carroll? You’ve seen Carroll - he’s barely 150 lbs,” the exasperated father fumed. “What’s even more unnerving is that I had $50 riding on Coach Neuheisel, and he let me down.

“My wife and I would sleep better at night knowing that Michael decided on a school like Arizona State, or another Pac 10 university. I know ASU may not have the tradition of a UCLA or USC, but at least Dennis Erickson can take a punch.”