Kitna predicts Lions will win Super Bowl, end world hunger

DETROIT, MI — Last season, Detroit Lions quarterback Jon Kitna made a bold prediction that his team couldn’t quite live up to – now he expects even bigger things in 2008.

Before the beginning of the 2007-2008 campaign, Kitna assured fans and media that the Lions would win 10 games and make the playoffs. The team started off well, winning six of its first eight games, but nosedived in the second half to finish 7-9 and well out of the playoffs. Kitna finished with more interceptions (20) than touchdowns (18), and the Lions’ offense was one of the worst in the NFL.

With new offensive coordinator Jim Colletto replacing the fired Mike Martz, and with a new commitment to the running game, Kitna feels that this year’s team will be even better than last year’s.

“I think we’ll definitely win the Super Bowl this year,” Kitna confidently told reporters during the team’s recent minicamp. “We might go undefeated. I think we’re as good as the Patriots were last season, only – God willing – we won’t blow it in the big one like a bunch of pussies.”

While Kitna’s on-field predictions for his team are bold enough, it’s his predictions for what they’ll do off the field that have many perplexed and somewhat skeptical.

“I think this team is good enough to end world hunger too, and probably all the wars and stuff,” the former Bengal continued. “There’s a lot of character guys on this team. I mean, we drafted an Army dude.”

Kitna was referring to West Point graduate Caleb Campbell, who was selected by Detroit in the 7^th round. “We’re just uniquely positioned to cure most of the world’s ills. I’m sure we’ll start a bunch of charities and stuff, visit some hospitals, win a bunch of games – then, bam! Problems solved.”

Although he says most of his focus will be on reading defenses and scoring touchdowns, Kitna maintains he and his fellow Lions will have enough “juice” left over for life’s bigger problems.

“This team is just full of… well, awesomeness. That’s the only word that comes to mind when I think of this team. We’re going to shock the world with our awesomeness. Good things are going to happen. Praise God.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!