Dolphins may hold dance contest to lure Taylor back

MIAMI, FL — Contrary to public reports stating otherwise, SSNN has learned that the Miami Dolphins are desperate to bring back Pro Bowl defensive end Jason Taylor.

In recent months, Taylor has been competing on the popular reality show Dancing with the Stars and exploring various acting opportunities. The Dolphins, especially new boss Bill Parcells, have expressed displeasure that Taylor would apparently rather hang around with beautiful women than sweat it out with 350-pound lineman in “voluntary” workouts and endless mini-camps.

But a source within the Dolphins organization now says this is not the case. The source says that Parcells is busy organizing his own version of Dancing in the hopes of keeping Taylor in Miami.

“Basically, Bill just wants Jason to come to Miami and talk to him,” the source said, speaking on condition of anonymity. “So far, Jason won’t even leave L.A., but Bill’s hoping a dance contest will lure him in. We all know Jason can’t resist a chance in the spotlight.”

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Parcells, along with Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano, have publicly stated that Taylor would not be at any off-season activities, including the team’s training camp in July. This has led many to conclude that Taylor will begin the next NFL season with another team. Relations between Taylor and the Dolphins front office have soured since Parcells’ arrival, culminating in a reported snub by Parcells when Taylor visited team headquarters last month.

Parcells, when asked about the new revelations, denied that any dancing will be taking place “within 20 miles of Dolphin headquarters.”

“I’m even going to shut down South Beach,” an enraged Parcells told SSNN. “And that pretty boy Taylor can take his mamboing ass to Dallas – they like that pansy-assed sort of crap there.”

But SSNN’s source insists that Parcells wants to make things right, and that the Big Tuna would even be willing to dance the tango with Taylor.

“Of course he’s going to deny it. I mean, he’s Bill Parcells,” the source argued. “But he is deadly serious about doing whatever it takes to get Jason back in the fold – he said he’d even wear one of those bikini dresses like they wear on the show, if that’s what it takes. Although I don’t really know how that will help.”