Cubs finally allow Fukudome’s interpreter to reveal 100-year title drought

CHICAGO, IL — Sitting atop the NL Central with more than a month of baseball’s regular season under their belt, Chicago Cubs management finally told Kosuke Fukudome’s interpreter to explain the Cubs’ difficult history to him, details they had been keeping from him throughout contract negotiations and April in Chicago.

While initially attempting to lure Fukudome to the MLB from his native Japan, the Cubs front office strategically omitted their historic hundred-year title drought and the numerous curses that have been placed on the team.

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“We were afraid that if we presented the facts to him objectively, that he – like any reasonably intelligent human – would realize that Wrigley Field is a wasteland of broken dreams and goat curses,” GM Jim Hendry admitted to SSNN. “We just thought it would be a downright shame if he declined to join our organization over a silly hundred-year losing streak. If anything, that’s a token of pride – we just wanted to give Kosuke time to understand the Cubs and Chicago before breaking that particular piece of news to him.”

While visiting Chicago during negotiations, Fukudome inquired into the history of Chicago and the franchise, which management countered by adding another zero to his contract offer and taking him out for drinks in the hope that he would forget about the issue. When they finally managed to hammer out an agreement and sign a contract, the Cubs strictly forbade Fukudome’s interpreter – Ryuji Araki, an employee of the club – from explaining their losing ways to the Japanese star.

But now that Fukudome has settled into the league and played a month in the MLB, the Cubs gave Araki the green light to let his charge in on the organization’s little secret. Araki, left with the rather thankless task of explaining to Fukudome how he has been misleading him for months, told SSNN that he has not yet made his move, but that he plans to tell break the news “over drinks – lots of drinks.”