Canseco claims to have injected Barbaro and Seabiscuit with HGH

MIAMI, FL — A chapter in former slugger Jose Canseco’s new book Vindicated alleges new steroid claims, moving from the baseball world into that of competitive horse racing. Canseco, airing more of his dirty laundry, says that he injected horse racing sensations Barbaro and Seabiscuit with HGH and other performance enhancing drugs.

The horses, both of whom are deceased, could not escape the wrath of Canseco’s brutal honesty, which the former slugger refers to as “Justice Time!” Canseco called both horses “ex-friends,” and lamented that his word may not be enough to indict the racing champions, because he believes their lawyers will hide behind the tried and true, “they’re horses, therefore incapable of rational thought” defense that has kept steroid-abusing horses out of legal troubles for years.

The allegations against Seabiscuit are the most troubling, not only because the horse died almost twenty years before Canseco was born, but also due to the public’s fondness for the horse, stemming from the 2003 tear-jerking biopic Seabiscuit. When questioned about the time discrepancy, Canseco had no answers.

“You figure it out, I’m not the mathematician,” he snapped. “I get paid to hit home runs and make baseless allegations against people who give me dirty looks at parties.”

Canseco also urged everyone to buy his new book, so that the truth could be told and he could be vindicated from whatever it is that he is being accused of. The ex-player says he is especially proud of the book’s foreword by Ty Cobb, and also the last chapter of the text, wherein he accuses the Phillie Phanatic of being a coke dealer.

“Those horses pretended to be my friends,” Canseco lamented. “And when the heat got turned up, they turned their backs on me. Neither of them will even return my calls anymore. So you know what? They’re getting called out. And I’m vindicated. Buy my book.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!