Hot Topics: MLB NFL NBA baseball New York Yankees ESPN steroids Boston Red Sox Chicago Cubs NCAA football

Main Menu

Home	About
Features	Submit
Facebook	MySpace
Friends	NSR
Contact	Mad-Libs
Archives	Gallery
Sponsors	Advertise
Subscribe	Jobs
SCNN	Twitter!
Free picks!

Go to Vividseats.com to get all hard-to-find Sports Tickets, including all NCAA Football Tickets , Basketball Tickets , Baseball Tickets , College Basketball Tickets , Tennis Tickets , PGA Tickets, NASCAR Tickets, NFL Tickets , and Super Bowl Tickets.

Get free NFL picks from PicksNFL.com
Wunderdog Sports is your source for football picks Get free football picks at TopTenCappers.com

Check out EnglishHarbour Network, the best and trusted online casino providing the online slots, table games and other casino games. Visit us for the best online gambling experience and great casino bonuses.

Cheap Sports Tickets
14 major suppliers
mega major $$$ deals
... Sports Ticket Depot.

TOUTHOUSE.COM
NFL Betting Predictions, Free NFL Picks and Current Football Odds

Brett Favre |New Curse

Ticket Solutions
Sports Tickets
NFL
Baseball
Super Bowl
World Series
NCAA Tournament

See the DC United Playoffs with MLS tickets. All your other favorite sports events tickets are also at RazorGator.

Cheap Premium Tickets.com
Get tickets to your favorite sporting events including New York Giants tickets, Pittsburgh Steelers tickets, Detroit Red Wings tickets, Los Angeles Lakers tickets, San Francisco Giants tickets and more.

News Item

Yanks lied about Jeter’s injury to protect “sex icon” status

NEW YORK CITY, NY — After legging out an infield hit in the New York Yankees 6-1 victory over Tampa Bay earlier in the week, Derek Jeter was taken out of the game with an apparent leg injury.

While the Yanks medical staff was elusive as to the exact nature of the injury, they did release a statement saying that the All-Star shortstop would miss several games due to “an upper leg issue.” When asked about it, Jeter was adamant in calling it a “quad strain,” but SSNN has learned from an anonymous source within the team that the injury was actually groin-related.

“We lied – we had to,” confessed SSNN’s source. “Jeter is notorious for pulling copious amounts of pussy, and we were worried that if we announced the real injury [a groin strain] that it might scare the ladies off. And everyone knows that Jete can’t hit worth a damn unless he’s gotten at least two blow jobs and played ‘just the tip’ before a ballgame.”

Follow SSNN on Twitter

This week only! Get 1/2 off any of Doc’s Sports Picks services when using the code TA105. Call 1-866-238-6696 for details.

Visit SSNN on Facebook

When told of the revelation, Jeter continued to deny the story, and even went so far as to say that he would “do everything in my power to find out who this cock-blocking liar is.” Only after the results of his MRI were produced did he finally relent.

“Alright, you got me. Yea, I hurt my groin, is that what you all wanted to hear? Derek Jeter has an injured groin! Ha ha, let’s all laugh about it,” a raving Jeter shouted at SSNN. “Go ahead and tell the world, see if I give a fuck. I’ll still get more poontang than you assholes could ever even dream about masturbating to.”

After being given a sedative, the future Hall-of-Famer continued in a much calmer manner.

“First off, I’d like to apologize for before, I haven’t gotten so much as a hand job in the last few days, and I’ve been a little on edge,” said a contrite Jeter. “It’s just that I’ve seen this happen before. Why do you think Giambi has been so awful since the steroid allegations came out? It’s not the byproduct of the juice cycling out of his body, I can tell you that. It’s because the guy hasn’t been laid in over 2 years. Woman have been scared off by the whole shrunken testicle thing, and no man can be expected to be calm and relaxed at the plate with a loaded gun. The boys need to be drained, you feel me?”

Jeter ended by making a plea to all the club rats, hoochie mommas, and the occasional celebrity that have been known to frequent his New York sex palace.

“I would just like to let all the ladies out there know that my groin injury in no way affects my capabilities in the bedroom. I’m still the same stud that I’ve always been. I’ll hit it from the front, the back… upside down, if that what’s you’re into. The only hindrance from this injury is that doctors have ordered me not to perform my patented Crouching Yankee, Hidden Testicle move for two weeks. Other than that, I’m good to go.”

If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to our newsletter or RSS feed and get hilarious sports news every day. Thanks for visiting!

Labels: Derek Jeter, groin, injury, Jason Giambi, New York Yankees, sex

Posted on April 11th, 2008

Got a headline idea? Click here to submit it... and be sure to visit our Facebook page!

Other Related News Items

Jeter, Giambi claim thong sharing part of Sex in the City promotion (May 20, 2008)
Rodriguez denies quad injury is attempt to be like Jeter (April 21, 2008)
Jeter not going to waste pick on self in fantasy league (January 14, 2008)
Jeter preparing for October by buying tickets online (October 1, 2008)

Link To This Post

Comments

Be the first to leave a comment on this story below...

Search Our Site

Subscribe to SSNN's Newsletter

Check Out These Classics

Multimedia News

Vertical Soccer

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!

View Multimedia Archives...

Photo Gallery

Visit our Gallery for a full listing of images...

News In Brief

Get Free Sports Picks from: Doc - A 36 year veteran Robert Ferringo Strike Point Sports Allen Eastman Vegas Sports Informer

Want CHEAP sports tickets? From NASCAR tickets to WWE tickets, or Red Sox tickets, Final Four tickets to discount Super Bowl tickets, find great deals on all kinds of event tickets here.

Sports fans may not always be serious about their news, but they're serious about their tickets. For NBA Playoffs tickets or Raptors tickets in Toronto, or Cowboys tickets online, CTC has a serious selection of the best sports tickets on the web. Get NY Giants tickets and sold out Super Bowl tickets too!

Pickspal.com
Football Picks
College Football Picks

MTC Tickets
Sold Out Events Tickets
Justin Timberlake Tour
American Idol Seats
Broadway Theater Tickets
Sold Out Sports Tickets
Hot Concert Tickets
March Madness Tickets

Golf is at its finest with Masters Tickets, while other historically important Sports Tickets like the Kentucky Derby Packages, and NFL Super Bowl Tickets are always hard to come by!