WNBA hopes to boost attendance with shirts/skins teams

NEW YORK, NY — In an effort to boost lagging attendance, WNBA spokesman Kevin Tucker has announced that teams during the upcoming season will be distinguished from each other by either the presence or absence of a shirt.

Tucker acknowledges the controversial element of this new policy, but contends that it will help the young league grow.

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“Sure, I suppose there may be one or two fans who show up to see supple breasts flapping and jiggling like plump fruit ripe to be plucked under the spotlights,” Tucker admitted. “But the primary attraction will be the adherence to the storied tradition of shirts vs. skins in summer pick-up games. We just want our audience to harken back to their carefree youth when they think of WNBA basketball.”

But the advantages of this new system don’t end there. According to Tucker, a shirts/skins approach makes it easier for newer fans of the sport to tell the teams apart.

Tucker admits, however, that some of the other proposed changes – the instillation of a stripper pole at mid-court, and the constant blaring of the Mötley Crüe song “Girls, Girls, Girls,” for example – are less rooted in basketball tradition.

“Sure, some of the traditionalists may be uncomfortable with these changes, but when you get right down to it, it’s all about helping the league reach new levels of innovation,” he insisted. “And boobs. Okay, mostly boobs. But since when is that not enough?”