Wizards win “Gayest Name in NBA” again

WASHINGTON, DC — For the fifth consecutive year, the Washington Wizards have won the “Gayest Name in the NBA” award, league sources have told SSNN.

The selection will become official at the league’s end of the year awards dinner, held the Monday following the conclusion of the NBA Finals. According to the sources, the Wizards narrowly beat out Dan Dickau and Rudy Gay for the award.

“First off, I would like to reiterate – as I do every year – that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay,” said NBA commissioner David Stern. “All we’re saying is that ‘Wizards’ is a super-gay name. And I mean super-duper gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

The Wizards declined to make an official comment, as they have done every year the franchise has won this award. SSNN can only conclude they were to busy engaging in homosexual activity.

Guard Gilbert Arenas did briefly mention the award in his blog entry this morning.

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“Some of my best blogger friends are gay, so I’m taking this as a compliment,” Arenas said. “It’s kind of stupid to think of a name as gay, but at the same time I understand it. ‘Wizards’ just doesn’t sound like a heterosexual name to me, or anyone else for that matter.”

Lifelong Washington fan Chuck Adams admitted the hardest part of rooting for this team is screaming ‘Go Wizards!’ at games.

“I mean, was ‘Wildcats’ taken or something?” Adams said. “You can’t imagine how weird a vibe it is when thousands of people are yelling ‘Wizards.’ It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and a little gay. There, I said it – it’s a little gay.”

It’s not all bad news for Washington, though. They get a fantastic looking trophy, and if they win the award next year, they will supplant the Chicago Stags (1940-1944) and World B. Free (1973-1977) as the longest-running Gayest Name recipients in the history of basketball.