Williams sisters pre-emptively apologize for embarrassing comments by father

PALM BEACH GARDENS, FL — In preparation for their upcoming appearance at the Fed Cup tournament, Serena and Venus Williams apologized in advanced for “any and all foolish, embarrassing or just plain weird” comments to be made by their father, Richard Williams.

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“We apologize to any targets of his future rage,” Venus read from a statement. “Potentially including – but not limited to – fans, journalists, opposing players, random bystanders who happen to resemble opposing players, judges and hotel wait staff for any of the following future slights:”

Serena Williams then began to read a multiple-item list of ways in which her father’s strange temper will almost certainly flair: “unprovoked personal attacks, wild accusations of racism, childish acts of name calling…”

After several pages, Venus interrupted and, in the interests of saving time, simplified the list of future comments they wish to disassociate themselves to “pretty much anything except ‘Good Morning,’ and ‘Yes, my daughter’s ankle is healing nicely.’”

Richard Williams could not be reached for embarrassing comment.