Vick’s prison coach eagerly awaits arrival of other NFL players

LEAVENWORTH, KS — Happy with the recent acquisition of Atlanta Falcons star Michael Vick, Harvey Hill, head coach of Vick’s prison team the Leavenworth Stars, has expressed great optimism with the prospect of more NFL players joining the roster before the new season begins in September.

“It’d be great to have a strong receiver or two for Vick to throw to,” Hill told SSNN. “Chris Henry would be nice; I’ve got a feeling he’ll be available soon.”

Alvin Thomason, the team’s GM, says the prison system waiver wire has recently been more laden with NFL talent than ever before.

“It used to be you had to wait years and cross you fingers that you could get a Michael Irvin or Lawrence Taylor – and sometimes your hopes would be dashed by their getting off with community service or very brief sentences,” Thomason recalled. “But we hope that Vick represents a new trend: real felons with NFL talent who can make a long-term commitment to our squad.”

Thomason thinks that Vick’s dedication to the Stars may encourage similar behavior from younger players in a similar mold. “We hear that there are some kids now who are considering coming out of college early and going straight to prison. That’s encouraging.”

Of course, this new trend is not without its critics. Some insist that young players should be encouraged to finish their college years and get their degree before moving on to play for a prison, giving them something to fall back on in case their criminal careers don’t pan out. Others have gone so far as to suggest putting a rule in place to ensure that student-athletes must obtain a degree before becoming eligible for prison football.

Thomason’s reply is that today’s young athlete is mature enough to pursue a life of lawless behavior right out of high school.

“These kids mature quickly,” he told SSNN. “These are not your grandmother’s convicts.”

For the time being, however, Vick’s team must make do with what’s available: convicted felons, mostly from walks of life other than the NFL. While Vick’s coach would like to have a few offensive players to augment this year’s team, he feels the main area of need is on defense.

“It’d be great to have a Pacman Jones or Tank Johnson to round out the D,” Coach Hill admitted. “But it may be weeks, maybe months before those guys are incarcerated.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!