Vick kicked off prison football team for dog fighting

LEAVENWORTH, KA — Report out of Kansas today say that former NFL quarterback Michael Vick has once again been kicked off of his football team thanks to his involvement in a dog-fighting ring.

E.J. Gallegos, Warden for the US Penitentiary in Leavenworth, confirmed to SSNN that Vick had been dismissed from his prison yard football team, the Tornados (3-1 overall, 1-0 in conference).

“Mr. Vick was informed today that he is no longer allowed to play with the Tornados,” Gallegos said. “The team had a meeting yesterday and agreed that anyone who would abuse dogs has no place on a proud, dignified franchise such as the Tornados.”

Vick granted SSNN’s interview request, but our reporter was much too scared to go to prison to actually conduct the interview. A source close to former Falcons quarterback said that while Vick was obviously very much aware that dog fighting is illegal in Virginia, he didn’t know it was also illegal in prison.

“Trust me, it was an honest mistake,” the source said. “Based on all the prison movies and TV shows Michael watched before he got put behind bars, he kinda thought there was more of an ‘anything goes’ feel. Now he knows that dog fighting isn’t even acceptable in prison.”

Tornados head coach and former NASCAR driver Randy Lanier, a Leavenworth inmate since 1988, said the team has already begun looking for a new starting running back to fill the void left by Vick’s banishment.

“Mike was a little too inconsistent to be a quarterback for this team,” Lanier said. “But he had really revolutionized our ground game, and we had even started working him in as a returner. It’s unfortunate that he made the choices he did, but we’re just going to have to push on and do our best to make the Prison Yard Bowl next month.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!