Thomas vows to return Walsh’s calls eventually

NEW YORK, NY — Isiah Thomas, head coach of the struggling New York Knicks, claims not to be deeply concerned about phone calls from new Knicks president Donnie Walsh.

Despite his secretary’s labeling of these calls as “urgent,” and “concerning your future with the team,” Thomas looks forward to his professional relationship with Walsh and hopes the two of them “get along well for many years,” the former Pistons star explained before slipping into his building’s heating duct upon hearing of Walsh’s arrival.

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“I can’t imagine what we’d have to talk about,” Thomas confided in SSNN, after learning the coast was clear. “Maybe he’d like to congratulate me on picking up that 23^rd win this season – or perhaps he’s found my wallet in the janitor’s closet, where I was hiding for a few days. Whatever it is I’m sure it can wait until next season.”

Before cautiously ducking into the parking lot, sporting sunglasses and a hoodie labeled “Not Isiah,” the former All-Star guard expressed optimism about the upcoming season and scoffed at “wild rumors” that his job was in jeopardy.

“I have no reason to believe he wants me gone,” Thomas said after crawling from a parking lot dumpster after the departure of Walsh’s car. “I’m sure that if my busy schedule ever allows us to have a meeting, we’ll probably get together and laugh at all the silly rumors.

“I believe hiring him was a good move for the club; I can tell by the number of messages he’s left on my machine that he’s a very persistent man. And based on an encounter we had after yesterday’s practice, he can sprint pretty fast for a guy his age before getting winded and giving up.”