Steroid supplier planning to boycott Olympics

NEW YORK CITY, NY — Deeply troubled by various human rights violations committed by China, steroids supplier Darrin McReady has said that he will not supply Olympic athletes with illegal and life-threatening drugs in the upcoming games unless conditions improve.

“What’s going on right now violates the very spirit of the Olympic games,” claims the dealer who admits to having endangered the health of participants around the world. “I’m simply not prepared to be a part of something so heinous, even just by association.”

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McReady gets teary-eyed when recalling the good old days of providing the weekly mandatory injections of steroids into the buttocks of East European women whose countries would never dream of violating the rights of innocent citizens – except, of course, for mandating that their athletes receive weekly injections of steroids that would later render them unable to produce children.

Many Olympic participants – especially athletes – have begged McReady to reconsider his decision for the good of their country.

A pole-vaulter in the upcoming games, who spoke with SSNN on condition of anonymity, said that the games “just won’t feel right” without records being broken thanks to the obvious aid of performance enhancing drugs, not to mention other delights – such as frighteningly shrunken genitalia, or female athletes boasting weirdly masculine builds.

“I beg Darrin to reconsider his position,” the anonymous pole-vaulter added. “Not just because of the huge sums of money I paid him for his highly illegal services, but because now is the time for our country to stand proud and show the world the true winning spirit of the Olympics in spite of the horrible atrocities being committed by the Japanese and – what, the Chinese? Wait, seriously? Beijing is in China?”

But in spite of these pleas, McReady is steadfast in his refusal. “I know the games will be a strange experience without my involvement – all those women with actual breasts and such – but there comes a time when you have to stand behind your principles. I consider myself to be carrying on the strong-willed tradition of folks like Ghandi and Martin Luther King. You know, except for the part about injecting people with health-endangering drugs.