OSU denies interviewing Self impersonators for head coaching vacancy

STILLWATER, OK — In a hastily assembled press conference this morning, members of Oklahoma State University’s athletic department denied rumors it had interviewed several Bill Self impersonators to replace fired coach Sean Sutton as the head of its men’s basketball program.

Self, the head coach of the NCAA champion Kansas Jayhawks and a former player and assistant coach at OSU, turned down the school’s offer of a contract worth upwards of $4 million per year in favor of an extension with Kansas. OSU athletic director Mike Holder denied having any knowledge of a scheme to hire someone who looked and talked like Self.

“I don’t think there even is such a thing,” Holder told reporters. “He may be the greatest basketball coach to ever live, but it’s not like he’s Elvis or anything.”

Oklahoma State instead hired former Massachusetts coach Travis Ford to take over the team. Ford, a former player at Kentucky under Rick Pitino, denied trying to look or sound like Self.

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“I’m my own man,” Ford told SSNN. “I’m a lot shorter than Self, for one thing, and my hick accent sounds a lot different than his.”

When questioned further, Ford did not deny that his suit looks a lot like something Self would wear. “We all wear the same style of suits. They’re standard issue once you become a graduate assistant.”

Holder also denied rumors of a tape made secretly by a source within the Cowboys’ athletic department, in which Holder says, “We can get one that looks just like Self – no one will ever know the difference. Boone Pickens will give him a huge contract, and we can pocket the difference. It shouldn’t be that hard to find a tall, flabby, middle-aged white guy.”

While refusing to comment on OSU’s situation specifically, Self did admit that he keeps several look-alikes on staff “in case of assassination attempts.”