Mixed reactions for Cubs hot start

CHICAGO, IL — One would think that after a 15-7 start by the perennial doormat know as the Chicago Cubs, spirits would be high on the North Side of the Windy City. And while plenty are thrilled with the Cubs’ first 22 games, many are not.

“The clubhouse has had a really weird atmosphere lately,” said first baseman Derrek Lee. “We all know something bad is going to happen, we just don’t know what.”

Lee later had a particularly awkward moment with SSNN’s Cubs beat reporter.

“What’s the worst that could happen – I mean it’s not like they’re going to kill their entire starting lineup, right?” Lee said while laughing nervously. “Oh God, I need to update my life insurance.”

Like Lee, many of the team’s players seemed to be on edge. Team officials, on the other hand, had a much more positive attitude. Manager Lou Piniella said that while he would love to play a large role in the collapse of this edition of the Cubs, part of him thinks he’s already done enough.

“I’ve already taken a joke of a team and led them to an NL Central title and a playoff berth, only to lay a complete egg in the first round,” Piniella said. “I’m afraid I’ve done what I can. I built the hope up, it’s up to the front office to tear this thing down.”

General Manager Jim Hendry told SSNN that although he believes this season will be a challenge, it is one that he is up to. Potential collapses like this are the reason you go to work for an organization like the Cubs, he explained.

Hendry and other ‘high-ranking officials’ have already had meetings about sabotaging this season, but little has been decided so far. He said it’s hard to get the timing right, and the team has used the awful trade and injury tricks so many times in the past that they feel stale – the organization intends to come up with something new and special for 2008.

“We’re working on a real doozy right now, where Carlos Zambrano becomes allergic to bananas and his head literally explodes on the mound during Game 7 of the NLCS,” Hendry said. “I know it sounds complicated, but I think we can pull it off. We’re basically the same group who planted Bartman in the stands and worked with thousands of witches on perfecting the curse. In theory, this should be a cakewalk.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!