Kournikova desperately trying to win

MIAMI BEACH, FL — Danica Patrick’s IRL victory this weekend will surely be remember as a historic event in motorsports. But Patrick’s win is having an effect on more than just the auto racing community.

Anna Kournikova, the former tennis phenom, is feverishly trying to win a tournament and – like Patrick – distance herself from the “hottie who can’t win” label.

“I’ve been practicing quite a bit. Fortunately for me, it’s a lot like riding a bike – you don’t forget how to play tennis,” Kournikova told SSNN. “I’m very confident I’ll win this weekend at the Seniors 65+ Miami Invitational.”

Kournikova confided that she has spent all weekend training hard, and even entered a tournament this past Sunday. Unfortunately, she was eliminated in the second round of the 163^rd Florida Paraplegics Tennis Tournament.

“It’s hard being so ridiculously good looking and still having people focus on how I wasted my tennis skills,” she said. “Great, Danica won a race. I’ve dated a bunch of hockey players, but you don’t see me spraying champagne all over the place in victory lane, do you?”

While Kournikova insists that she’ll eventually be a winner, those close to her are trying to get her focused on the positive.

“So what if now that Danica Patrick won a race? My Anna is clearly the most overrated athlete of all time,” said Kournikova’s mother, Alla. “At least Anna’s the best at something.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!