Garnett apologizes to Celtics fans for “uncharacteristic” post-season performance

BOSTON, MA — After helping his Celtics demolish the eighth-seeded Atlanta Hawks in game one of the their first-round NBA playoff series, a tearful Kevin Garnett apologized to fans for failing to embarrass his team with lackluster shooting, sloppy defense or an exaggerated injury.

“I’m deeply sorry for failing to deliver what my fans have come to expect from me over the years,” said Garnett, who has only made it out of the first round of the playoffs once. “I’ll make sure I bring my A-game next time.”

In the past, Garnett’s A-game had included a dazzling combination of fourth quarter cowardice and occasional moments of downright ineptitude. But if Sunday night’s game was any indication, the power forward’s days as a legendary post-season choker may soon be over.

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“It’s kind of the end of an era,” declared teammate Ray Allen, holding back tears. ” I mean, we all thought we new Kevin so well – but maybe that guy is gone now.”

Garnett’s frustration with his inability to repeat the magic of past playoff embarrassments reached its peak when the 6′11″ star left the court to the home crowd’s chanting “M-V-P! M-V-P!”

“That was below the belt,” said a dejected Garnett.

Some NBA analysts have suggested that Garnett’s storied history of letting down fans had simply set the bar too high.

“After 12 years of frustrating Timberwolves fans in Minnesota, I know his standards are high,” said ESPN commentator Bill Walton. “But no one could possibly maintain that level of post-season awfulness. We’re just not being realistic.”

Celtics head coach Doc Rivers, for one, remained upbeat in the face of Garnett’s disappointingly productive play. He knows the end of this series – much less of the entire playoffs – is still far away.

“It’s a long series,” Rivers insists. “There will be plenty of opportunities for him to miss critical free throws, pass the ball off instead of taking potentially game-winning shots, or even miss entire games because of a dubious injury. I have faith that the real Kevin Garnett will come through in the end.”