EXCLUSIVE: Pittsburgh Pirates now hiring for all positions

[Ed. Note: Late last night – Monday April 28, 2008 – SSNN was able to acquire the following press release from a source within the Pittsburgh Pirates organization. According to said source, the document was forwarded to upper management and ownership for approval over the weekend, and – if there are no protestations – could be released to the media as soon as Friday.]

Want to earn a chance to play with real major leaguer Nate McClouth? How about cleaning up after him and doing his laundry? The Pittsburgh Pirates will be having open tryouts and a job fair on Thursday, May 22^nd at beautiful PNC Park in downtown Pittsburgh. Come by the park beginning at 9 a.m. and meet Pirate ownership. Be sure to bring your resume as interviews will be given on site. No experience necessary. All positions are available and considered entry-level, including: pitchers, position players, general manager, manager, coaching staff, president, janitorial positions and groundskeepers. Players both in the field and on the pitching staff have the potential to make as much as $50,000 per year with incentives, plus medical and dental benefits. Each player will be provided with uniforms, meal allowances and two weeks on-job training. Front office and coaching staff positions start at $25,000, plus benefits. Janitorial and groundskeeping start at $35,000, no dental but does include free season tickets.

The Pittsburgh Pirates are a major league baseball team with a 126-year history. As a charter member of the National League, the Pirates have a long tradition of occasionally being competitive. Although the Pirates are currently in last place in their division and have not made the playoffs since 1992, this is a franchise on the way up and a great opportunity for absolutely anyone who has ever dreamed of playing against real major league baseball teams. This is a once in a lifetime chance for anyone who has watched the Pirates and said, “I can do better than that!” Come by PNC Park on Thursday May 22^nd between 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. for your chance to prove it.

The Pittsburgh Pirates are an equal opportunity employer. Verification of work status and a notarized copy of your birth certificate are required for employment.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!