Edwards proposes players clean rooms, have nap time

KANSAS CITY, MO — When Kansas City Chiefs head coach Herman Edwards proposed a rule that would compel NFL players to cut their hair, his mission was to make the league’s image a little more family-friendly. But he hasn’t stopped there – Edwards thinks the NFL can do much more to look better in the eyes of fans and critics, starting with nap time and clean bedrooms.

“I think this is just another step in the right direction,” said Edwards. “I always tell my kids – clean your bedroom and make sure you get enough sleep. If these players can’t manage these things on their own, we’ll just have to take care of it for them.”

The Chiefs coach said he would like to see the NFL send employees door-to-door to player’s homes to make sure they are abiding by the rules. This is similar to what happens in off-season drug testing, where players are notified that someone will be coming to their home to administer the test.

In a press conference, Edwards said that naps and clean rooms are just part of a healthy lifestyle that promotes responsibility. He says it isn’t too much to ask NFL players to make sure they are rested and keep a tidy room.

” This is an important issue, and the league needs to make a decision on this. Without cleanliness, there is anarchy. And the NFL can’t afford to be a place where anarchy reigns.”

As one might expect, NFL players are none too happy about this proposed rule change. SSNN investigators were unable to find a single player in favor of Edwards’ proposition. Edwards doesn’t seem to mind – he compared the dirty rooms of NFL players to an epidemic, and said that the NFL will soon go the way of Major League Baseball if it’s not careful.

“The next step is Congress getting involved,” he said. “We don’t want our league’s image tarnished the way baseball’s has been over the last couple years. We need our guys to set good examples for the kids, and if we don’t, the government is going to come down hard on us. The NFL doesn’t need that.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!