Eastern Conference teams vote to give playoff spots to West

NEW YORK CITY, NY — In an unprecedented move, players on NBA teams from the Eastern Conference have decided to give up two of their eight playoff spots to Western Conference teams. The move was decided by majority vote, and inspired by the embarrassingly bad records at the bottom of the Eastern Conference playoff picture.

“We just don’t want to be humiliated longer than necessary,” said Atlanta Hawks point guard Mike Bibby. “Isn’t 82 games of awful basketball enough?”

The Eastern Conference currently has just three teams with records at least 10 games over .500, while the Western Conference has nine teams at least 15 games over the breakeven mark.

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Under the normal NBA playoff structure, one of those strong Western Conference teams would not make the playoffs, while as many as three Eastern Conference teams with sub-.500 records could qualify. Not to mention that teams in the West would likely have much stronger records if they were playing in the East.

“I feel like we should be in the playoffs no matter what,” said Golden State Warriors guard Baron Davis, whose team is one that might not have gotten in despite having a superior record to all but three teams in the East. “I’m just glad that we were able to find an arrangement that makes everybody happy – a couple Eastern Conference teams get to go on vacation early and avoid unnecessary shame, and a couple of good teams get to make the playoffs when they otherwise wouldn’t have.”

“It’s great, man,” said fellow Warriors player Stephen Jackson, loading his Glock’s magazine before leaving practice, as is his custom. “I mean, the Toronto Raptors have no business being in the playoffs. Seriously, they suck. And Atlanta missing the playoffs is basically an NBA tradition.”

While it is unknown whether NBA commissioner David Stern will sign off on the appeal, sources inside the NBA offices believe he is seriously considering it. He is said to be mortified by the play of some Eastern Conference teams, and has been trying to find a way to sideline them without upsetting anyone.