Dead cardinal, white sock found under Bartman’s seat at Wrigley

CHICAGO, IL — Maybe Wrigley Field is cursed after all.

Days after a Boston Red Sox fan who was working construction on the new Yankee Stadium buried a Red Sox shirt underneath what will soon be the Yankees clubhouse, officials in Chicago found a dead cardinal and a white sock buried in the concrete foundation of Wrigley Field.

The spot these items were found? Directly under the seat Steve Bartman was sitting in during the 2003 NLCS.

A Chicago Cubs official said the team decided to look into it after the news of what happened in Yankee Stadium created such a stir.

“It was just a hunch,” said the front office official, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I mean, seriously – we’ve gone 100 years without winning a World Series. That just can’t happen. The Florida Marlins have won two in the last decade, and we haven’t gotten one in 100 years? We knew something fishy was going on.”

While nobody will ever be sure who buried these items, it is obvious they were fans of the Cubs’ two biggest rivals: the Chicago White Sox and the St. Louis Cardinals. What now does seem certain is that there were unknown influences at work on that fateful night in October of 2003.

After the Bartman play derailed the Cubs, they lost to the Marlins, who went on to win it all. Even more remarkably, the White Sox and Cardinals went on to become World Series champions in two of the next three seasons, while the Cubs have yet to win a playoff game since.

Coincidence? Not likely, according to SSNN’s front office source.

“It’s one thing to attribute all the losing to some random goat curse, but when you actually find proof that the team has had the kibosh put on it, well… Let’s just say 100 years is a pretty nice, round number, don’t you think?”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!