Dallas strip clubs arm security in anticipation of Pacman’s arrival

DALLAS, TX – Adam “Pacman” Jones will arrive in Dallas this season as the Cowboys’ newest cornerback, and the locals are preparing. Strip clubs in the Dallas-Fort Worth area have reportedly begun to arm their security personnel with firearms in anticipation of Jones’ visits.

The Cowboys were able to trade for the troubled former Tennessee Titan with only a fourth-round draft pick, largely because of his propensity for run-ins with the law. The most notorious of those, of course, came at a strip club in February of 2007 – Jones made it rain on the stage, throwing thousands of dollars in the air at the strippers. A fight subsequently broke out, and a security guard was shot and left paralyzed at the club.

Now, Dallas area club owners say they are taking no chances.

“Oh yeah, we’re locked and loaded,” said Freddie Freeman, owner of Feline Fantasies. “We got everything. My guys got 9-millimeter Beretta hand guns, AR-15 assault rifles, Mossberg 500 shotguns, Hawk MM-1 grenade launchers, and a few other pieces of merchandise that I’ll keep quiet for now. But yeah, we’re prepared for whatever.”

Jones is well known for his strip club escapades, as he reportedly frequents them on a regular basis. In fact, he has been known to go to them simply in order to get something to eat – for instance, the night before he met with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to discuss his potential reinstatement to the league.

For his part, Jones says he is not worried about the newly armed security in Dallas.

“No, that’s no problem,” Jones said. “I’m not going to be startin’ nothin’ in no strip clubs anyhow. I’m just gonna go in there, get some food, and have myself a nice meal. I mean, for whatever reason, strip clubs seem to have the best hot wings, you know?”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!