Confused Noah cuts down nets after Bulls win

CHICAGO, IL — With his teammates and a few perplexed fans looking on, Chicago Bulls forward Joakim Noah proceeded to cut down the nets last night after the team’s 101-98 victory over the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Immediately after the game ended, Noah ran to the visiting locker room at Quicken Loans Arena, grabbed a stepladder and carried it out onto the floor. Janitor Alvin Parker was in the locker room when Noah arrived.

“He just busted in here all excited, shouting, ‘Where the t-shirts at? Where the hats?’” Parker told SSNN. “Then he grabbed the stepladder and a pair of scissors and took off. Although before he ran out the door, he told me he’s gonna do it so big tonight, I don’t even know. To be honest, I think I do know – as a janitor, doing it big is pretty much all I have.”

Even the reluctance of his Bulls teammates did not deter Noah from cutting down both nets in the arena before doing a dance in the center of the court.

“The dance was just ridiculous,” Bulls guard Ben Gordon said. “That took the cake. He was jumping around with his fists in the air. It was a little frightening, to be honest with you.”

Newly acquired forward Drew Gooden, who has missed the last couple games with an abdomen strain, was not at all amused. He ended the rookie’s shenanigans when he punched Noah in the face, and screamed, “What’s wrong with you?!”

Noah later explained to reporters that he was confused by the time of year, and really thought he was doing the right thing.

“It’s the beginning of April, you know? I’m just in the habit of cutting down the nets at this time of year. Instincts took over,” the former Florida Gator explained. “I feel kind of bad, but am I embarrassed? No. I wasn’t embarrassed by all the stupid shit I’ve done before, so why would I start now?”

Gordon agreed with Noah’s assessment. “He’s got to be one of the most obnoxious idiots I’ve ever met. This shit he pulled tonight is just typical. You can tell by looking at him that he’s almost impossible to be around. I mean, this win basically means nothing.”

Still, Noah remained largely undeterred by his chastisement, and stood behind last night’s behavior.

“I think I’m going to get those t-shirts made anyway,” he said. “And hats too. ‘Chicago Bulls: 2008 NCAA champions.’ This is such a great feeling. I wish I could have it every year… Hell, maybe I will.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!