Chris Long, Jake Long plan identity switcheroo at draft

NEW YORK CITY, NY — OT Jake Long of Michigan and DE Chris Long of Virginia, rumored to be the first two picks of this year’s NFL Draft, are planning a little chicanery for Saturday’s day one, SSNN has learned.

“Yeah, we’ve got a little sumpin’ up our sleeves,” said Jake Long, who has signed with the Dolphins and will be selected first overall. “See, we were chatting, and we started thinking that maybe we should pull some sort of big practical joke – you know, really put the league on notice.”

“Yeah,” Chris Long agreed. “We thought it’d be hilarious to pull a fast one on the league. Let everyone know that the Long brothers are here. And that’s how it came to us, just like that – we have the same last name.”

From there, the plan came together pretty easily. It was just a matter of hammering out some details.

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“The beauty of this plan is its simplicity,” said Jake Long. “Essentially, here’s how it will work – when Roger Goodell calls my name, Chris is going to go up there. He’s going to shake the commish’s hand, and hold the jersey. See, the best part about it is, the jersey will say ‘Long’ on it. So technically it will be a ‘Long’ holding a ‘Long’ jersey. You see what’s happening?”

Chris Long continued: “Yeah, one of two things is gonna happen. Either the commish is gonna realize that it’s me and not Jake, since we don’t look anything alike and aren’t the same size, and he’s gonna say something. Which would be hilarious, because I’d just go, ‘No, I’m Long,’ and he’d get all confused. Or, the other option is he doesn’t realize, and then I just keep standing up there, and then when they finally call my name, Jake will go up there. I mean, can you imagine how freaking funny that would be?”

Both Longs agree that this will probably be the funniest thing to ever happen in the NFL, slightly funnier than when Chad Johnson came out wearing the “Ocho Cinco” patch over his shirt. Roger Goodell, who got wind of the proposed plan, was less amused.

“The NFL draft is a serious time in which teams determine their futures and fans get a glimpse of things to come,” Goodell said. “It’s not a time for joking or other sorts of malfeasance, and the NFL looks strongly down upon anyone who thinks otherwise.

“Besides, I could totally tell those brothers apart if I wanted to.”