Chasing TV ratings, BASS fishermen to start using rifles

CELEBRATION, FL — In recent years, Bassmaster’s world headquarters in Celebration, Florida have been the host of many meetings of top company officials, trying to figure out how to make their sport more popular – both with the general public and on television. They may have finally figured out a way to do that.

At a press conference this morning, Bassmaster announced a new approach, which they hope will eventually put their sport into the public spotlight and generate more money in television revenue and sponsorships. It’s an explosive idea – literally. Starting next season, anglers will no longer compete with the standard rod and reel, but instead with rifles.

Bassmaster spokesman John Wildtree explained that the idea is to draw an audience by combining multiple outdoor activities into one ultimate event.

“Outdoorsmen traditionally like to do two things: hunt and fish,” he said. “By putting those activities together in one place, we think it will capture the attention of many, many lovers of the great outdoors, and make Bassmaster a unique brand in American sports.”

With the competition of so many sporting events on TV, Wildtree says Bassmaster hopes their new style will bring a more exciting, violent form of entertainment. “Hey, Americans love violence. Look at the popularity of World Wrestling Entertainment. Look at the explosion of Mixed Martial Arts in this country. Blood sells, and the bigger the splashes the better.”

Wildtree has a point. Seen as an outlaw, renegade sport, MMA has quickly grown from relative obscurity to become a mainstream television staple. It will make its network TV debut this summer, and the sport is growing fast in the coveted 18-34 year-old demographic.

While the new rifle-fishing will be messy and bloody, Wildtree believes that violence is what the people want – so that is what Bassmaster will give them.

“We refuse to stand idly by on the sideline of the American sports scene,” he proclaimed. “Now, people are going to pay attention to us. The sky is the limit here – who knows, maybe one day we’ll have our own pay-per-view extravaganza!”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!