Chad Johnson requests trade to Dallas

CINCINNATI, OH — In yet another twist to the epic drama that is Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson, the disgruntled star has named the team he wants to be traded to – the Dallas Cowboys.

“Chad mainly wants to go to Dallas because of all the criminals they have there now,” Rosenhaus told reporters.

“With all the felons they’ve recently acquired, I think I’ll really feel at home there. I mean, it’s not that I have any interest in being arrested myself,” Johnson explained. “It’s about the direction of the team as a whole– I just don’t know what’s going on in the Bengals organization anymore. We used to lead the league in arrests, and now they go and release Chris Henry? Getting arrested was what we were known for in Cincinnati. I just don’t know what this team stands for now.”

While he has been loudly critical of recent moves by the Bengals – which he has described as “going backwards” – Johnson has been duly impressed with the Cowboys’ recent moves.

“They’ve got a couple of hard-core criminals there now, and that makes me feel comfortable,” Johnson said. “There’s sure to be plenty of arrests. Hell, they might even get McFadden in the draft – then they’ll be a dynasty.”

Johnson also praised Dallas’ long history of harboring fugitives.

“They’ve had drug problems and what-not in Big D going back to the 70’s. Just look at the great careers of Michael Irvin and newton »”>Nate Newton – it’s a commitment to consistent excellence. I mean, Nate got caught with like a thousand pounds of weed in the back of a van – that’s a man that knows how to get arrested. With this recent trade for Pacman, the club is really just sticking to its roots. That’s something I want to be a part of.”