Broncos WR Brandon Marshall slips and injures self again

DENVER, CO — Brandon Marshall has injured himself off the field for a second time this offseason, this time after a fall down the stairs at his home.

Marshall was descending from the second floor of his home when he slipped on a sandwich wrapper, sending him flying, unable to stop himself. The wrapper had been home to a Whopper sandwich earlier in the day, which the Broncos wide receiver purchased from a local Burger King. Luckily, Marshall suffered only a bruised knee and the loss of seven teeth from the fall.

“For the most part, I think I’ll be fine. It’s gonna cost me a fortune in dentist bills, but this shouldn’t affect me at all in the upcoming season,” Marshall told SSNN. “I do feel a little silly, though. I mean, it probably seems to most people like I have a problem keeping my footing around fast food.”

In March, Marshall made national headlines when he suffered severe injuries to his right arm – injuries that required surgery and will sideline Marshall for months – after slipping on an errant McDonald’s wrapper. That first fall sent his right arm through a television, causing serious lacerations.

The whole ordeal was a turning point for Marshall in his selection of fast food. No longer able to will himself to McDonald’s, Marshall decided to go to Burger King instead. Rather than get a Big Mac, whose special sauce Marshall enjoyed so much, he decided to go for the Whopper, sans any scrumptious sauces save for the usual ketchup and mustard. This, of course, proved to be a mistake.

“I made all these changes to try to avoid slipping on a McDonald’s wrapper, and it turns out you can have basically the same problem with a Burger King wrapper,” a perplexed and frustrated Marshall said. “As it turns out, the Whopper wrapper is such a big wrapper that I think it’s actually more dangerous. I really don’t know what to do now – those square burgers at Wendy’s really freak me out. Burgers are just meant to be round, you know?”

Reached for comment, a Burger King spokesman admitted he had heard of similar accidents, but refused to concede that the fast food giant might be at fault.

“We wish Mr. Marshall the best, but we would like to assure the public our wrappers are safe. This could have happened with any piece of trash lying in the wrong spot. It just so happens that our Whopper is so delicious, most people don’t even concentrate on where they put the wrapper.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!