Belichick downplays Spygate episode while battling evil wheelchair-bound villain

BOSTON, MA — Months after they were embroiled in a scandal when caught videotaping an opposing team’s signals, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick insists that his team has moved on.

“Frankly, all this talk of ‘Spygate’ is getting a bit silly,” Belichick said while hanging from the landing skids of a helicopter in mid-flight, piloted by the henchmen of an international espionage ring. After lobbing an exploding cell phone into the helicopter and escaping with the aid of jet-propelled penny loafers, he continued:

“We’ve apologized for the incident – it’s over and done with. I don’t understand why people want to make this more exciting than it really is.”

Later, Belichick took time off from making love to a gorgeous, East European blonde (who later attempted to poison him) to speak to the media and assure them that Spygate was not an elaborate, well-planned conspiracy.

“Are you kidding?” the Patriots coach scoffed. “I can barely program my TiVO, or find the secret underground lair of an evil genius hell-bent on taking over the world. In closing I’d like to say that I wish the media would leave us alone – there simply is no story here.

“Oh, and I’d also like to say,” Belichick added into his wristwatch. “The brown wolf eats cheese under the silver bridge at midnight.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!