Belichick downplays Spygate episode while battling evil wheelchair-bound villain

BOSTON, MA — Months after they were embroiled in a scandal when caught videotaping an opposing team’s signals, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick insists that his team has moved on.

“Frankly, all this talk of ‘Spygate‘ is getting a bit silly,” Belichick said while hanging from the landing skids of a helicopter in mid-flight, piloted by the henchmen of an international espionage ring. After lobbing an exploding cell phone into the helicopter and escaping with the aid of jet-propelled penny loafers, he continued:

“We’ve apologized for the incident – it’s over and done with. I don’t understand why people want to make this more exciting than it really is.”

Later, Belichick took time off from making love to a gorgeous, East European blonde (who later attempted to poison him) to speak to the media and assure them that Spygate was not an elaborate, well-planned conspiracy.

“Are you kidding?” the Patriots coach scoffed. “I can barely program my TiVO, or find the secret underground lair of an evil genius hell-bent on taking over the world. In closing I’d like to say that I wish the media would leave us alone – there simply is no story here.

“Oh, and I’d also like to say,” Belichick added into his wristwatch. “The brown wolf eats cheese under the silver bridge at midnight.”