Zambrano fascinated by blinking blue light

CHICAGO, IL — In what will undoubtedly go down as a pivotal moment in his life, Carlos Zambrano woke up this morning to find a glowing blue light coming from his brand new Nintendo Wii.

“It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Zambrano told SSNN. “You know how there are moments in your life that make you completely re-evaluate everything? Well that happened to me when I saw my Wii this morning. It’s like now I know what love is.”

According to multiple teammates, Zambrano believes the video game system was attempting to communicate with him. First baseman Derrek Lee said the incident has created quite a stir in the clubhouse.

“Honestly, some of the guys got in a pretty heated argument about the nature of the light,” Lee said. “Rich [Cubs' pitcher Hill] insisted it just meant he had a message, but Carlos and a couple of the other guys said it was more than that. It got so bad Piniella said the next guy who mentioned ‘Wii’ would get fined $5,000. That shut them up.”

Ryan Theriot was one of the Cubs who sided with Zambrano. He said Carlos called him shortly after he woke up to come see the Wii, and that he was also fascinated by the majestic light.

“Sure, it might be a message,” Theriot said. “A message about how we can all come together and live as one. Some guys are taking this lightly, and that’s unfortunate. Carlos’ Wii is on to something, and we need to be open enough to listen to what it’s saying.”

It does not appear the controversy will go away any time soon, either. Zambrano confided to SSNN that he hopes to use the Wii as his personal catcher this season.

“Who knows me better than my Wii?” Zambrano asked. “If it can tell me the meaning of life, then surely it can tell me when to throw a fastball and when to throw a curveball.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!