Yao tired of watching, chasing Hollywood dream

HOUSTON, TX — Apparently the Houston Rockets‘ run at a number one seed in the Western Conference playoffs and basketball history simply won’t suffice for oft-injured Yao Ming. The seven-footer announced Friday he intends to take a leave of absence from the team in the midst of the twenty-game winning streak that has catapulted them from tenth to third in the conference standings, to pursue “more important career possibilities.”

Yao, who has been relegated to the bench for nearly three weeks after suffering a season-ending foot injury, would not disclose the length of his planned absence, but indicated his latest ailment greatly influenced his decision to leave the Rockets.

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“I feel bad that I am not able to contribute to my team’s success right now, even though the streak never would have started without me,” Ming told reporters. “It is for this reason, plus the fact that I’m sick and tired of putting on a suit and sitting next to Coach Adelman every night, that I have decided to pursue a passion that has been festering inside of me since I was a little boy in China – professional acting.”

The seven-time all-star center is scheduled to meet with Academy Award-winning director Quentin Tarantino Friday evening. Spokesman Larry Templeton explained to SSNN that, while the two men have never met one another, Tarantino recently contacted team officials to inquire whether the sidelined Ming would be available to work in the director’s upcoming project, an ethnically diverse take on a sports cult classic.

“From the information I have gathered thus far, I believe Tarantino wants Yao to play the lead role in his new film, Seven-foot Asian Men Can’t Jump, due out later this year,” Templeton said, confusingly. “But this will be good for Yao; he has always said, ‘Larry, if I go down with a season-ending foot injury at any point in my career, I want to pass the time by doing the one thing I have forever loved more than basketball, and that’s acting.’

“Don’t get me wrong, I hardly consider Yao to be a mainstream leading-man type actor. He can hardly speak English, let alone harness the emotion of a Woody Harrelson or Wesley Snipes. I guess if he has one advantage it’s that he’s already Asian, over seven-feet tall and lacking any kind of real leaping ability, so there won’t be that much acting involved. Particularly since he has a broken foot.”