Walsh out after embarrassing 4-game winning streak

INDIANAPOLIS, IN — The Indiana Pacers have won four games in a row, and owners Herb and Mel Simon aren’t happy about it. Sitting just a game and a half out of the last playoff spot in the Eastern Conference isn’t what the brothers had in mind when this season started.

“Do you have any idea what this little ‘winning streak’ means for the franchise?” asked an exasperated Mel Simon. “Two weeks ago we had the eighth-worst record in the league, and we were sinking fast. A few more losses and we would have been right in line to get Eric Gordon.”

“What, you think when we signed Travis Diener, Kareem Rush, Stephen Graham and Flip Murray that we were trying to build a winning team? Hell no,” added brother Herb. “We wanted a Top 3 pick. Why else do you think we banned J.O. and Tinsley from the practice facility?”

After missing out on last year’s draft lottery, the Simon’s decided to take no chances this time around. A press conference was called early Monday afternoon to announce the “resignation” of long-time team CEO Donnie Walsh.

“Someone has to be at fault when something like this happens, and that person was obviously Donnie Walsh,” the brothers announced at the joint press conference. “Larry Bird is certainly not responsible for this team’s recent performance. Legend has done everything we’ve asked of him, from not cutting David Harrison and Shawne Williams, to pretending to fall asleep at home games.”

“Look, personally I blame Mike Dunleavy for this whole mess,” Bird told media members during the press conference. “But it was pretty clear that the winning attitude that Donnie brought to the arena every day was beginning to have its affects as well.”

Walsh made a brief appearance during the hour-long affair and was bombarded with questions about rumors that have him becoming the next president of the New York Knicks.

“I’ve cleaned up after Isaiah once before, I think I can do it again,” he remarked. “My only concern is having to deal with Zach Randolph on a day-to-day basis. That guy scares the shit out of me.”

Rumblings inside the Knicks front office, however, suggest that Walsh being held responsible for the Pacers’ recent win streak may hurt his chances. Sources within the organization tell SSNN that James Dolan believes Walsh’s basketball knowledge, competence, and overall sage-like wisdom could be a thorn in the side for a team looking to lose as many games as possible.

Lucky for the Pacers, he’s no longer their problem.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!