Upton furious with Rays over demotion of Evan Longoria

TAMPA, FL — B.J. Upton is seething mad this week after the Rays demoted uber-prospect Evan Longoria to the minor leagues.

“I really can’t believe they would do this to us,” Upton said. “Sometimes I wonder which way this team is going. I really do.”

Surprisingly, Upton indicated that his fury with the Rays stemmed not from a desire to make the playoffs, but rather from his intentions to spend all of 2008 making fun of the prospect’s name, which is unusually similar to Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria.

“Look, I am a student of humor,” Upton said. “And this is humor. This is something that I could’ve worked with for six months, and they took it away from me. They better damn well re-imburse me for the Mrs. Tony Parker jersey that I bought, or there’s gonna be a serious problem.”

Upton said his plans for Longoria included bringing the third baseman along slowly – starting with the mocking of the name, and moving on to other, more general, rookie-focused hazing. For the last two months, Upton planned to bring both operations together in a lavish and exciting ceremony in front of the Rays’ kangaroo court, for which Upton is a magistrate.

“Now, all of my timing is off for the year,” Upton said. “The worst part is, I’m not really even ready for the baseball season. I didn’t even swing a bat in February, because I was too busy learning Photoshop. Well, that’s not the worst part – but it’s not good, that’s for sure.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!