Terrelle Pryor having surgery to remove coaches

“During the recruitment process, it is not uncommon for coaches’ lips to become attached to a player’s buttocks for an extended period of time. Usually, however, these can be removed easily,” Evans explained. “Unfortunately, due to the protracted nature of Mr. Pryor’s recruitment, several pairs of lips have become more permanently attached, and will require surgical removal.”

The procedure will be performed on Friday as an in-patient operation, but Pryor is expected to be ready for practice in the fall.

“The patient will be up and around within a few days, and should be at full speed in about a month,” Dr. Evans said. “There will likely be some minor scarring, but nothing a few tattoos can’t cover up.”

Pryor said he wasn’t worried about his condition or the impending surgery. “These things happen. I knew this was a possibility when I didn’t sign on National Signing Day.”

Pryor also confirmed rumors that Penn State coach Joe Paterno was also attached to his rear end, but disappeared a few weeks ago.

“Yeah, he was on there,” Pryor said. “You wouldn’t believe the amount of people I’ve had kissing my ass in the past few months. I can hardly keep up.”

Pryor also announced he would be having another press conference before his surgery on Friday and another conference on Saturday after the surgery.

The coaches involved were generally unable to comment, though Bellotti attempted to mumble something about how the recruitment of Pryor may have detracted from his recruitment of other players.

If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to our newsletter or RSS feed and get hilarious sports news every day. Thanks for visiting!

Labels: Jim Tressel, Joe Paterno, Michigan Wolverines, Mike Bellotti, NCAA football, Ohio State Buckeyes, Oregon Ducks, Penn State Nittany Lions, recruiting, Rich Rodriguez, Terrelle Pryor

Posted on March 25th, 2008

Got a headline idea? Click here to submit it... and be sure to visit our Facebook page!

Other Related News Items

• Vitale pried from Coach K (March 11, 2007)
• Pryor visits Ohio State campus, meets teachers for first, probably last time (March 27, 2008)
• Warriors suspend Davis for Game 5 (May 14, 2007)
• Oden surgery largely successful (July 19, 2007)

Link To This Post

Comments

Be the first to leave a comment on this story below...

Leave A Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.