Stern creating new postseason tournament

MEMPHIS, TN — The Memphis Grizzlies have not won a single playoff game in their franchise’s history. Since 2001, the New York Knicks have had a losing record every season and have been to the playoffs just once, getting swept. The Los Angeles Clippers have only been to the playoffs four times in their 24-year history, and just once since 1997. In Atlanta, the Hawks haven’t had a winning record or been to the playoffs once this decade.

It was with those grim pasts in mind that NBA Commissioner David Stern took a page out of the book of the NCAA and created a new postseason tournament for these four franchises. Much like the NCAA’s new College Basketball Invitational – or CBI – Stern has added the League Of Struggling tEams touRnament, or LOSER.

“I’m doing this for the fans,” Stern told SSNN. “2,100 people showed up for the Atlanta game last night. An even stronger 2,200 were in LA to watch the Clippers. That type of loyalty needs to be rewarded. The NBA doesn’t want 4,300 disappointed fans out there, and with this new tournament perhaps the Grizzlies and Knicks will pick up some fans too.”

Stern was clear that he only intended the LOSER to be a tool for teams that he classifies as “the really terminal cases.” It was very important to the commissioner that he did not appear to be allowing just any team to participate in a playoff tournament of some kind.

“It seems like Isiah Thomas in New York and Elgin Baylor in LA have the golden ticket. No matter what they do, they can’t be fired,” Stern explained. “I figure as long as they’re around, things aren’t going to change much; so I might as well let the fans seem some postseason basketball.”

Stern explained that this tournament will work much like any other, with teams seeded by record and playing seven-game series, with a small catch – two seven game series will be played to determine the champion.

“These terrible teams, who otherwise would be going home for the summer at the end of the regular season, will now have the chance to play as many as 21 extra games. In the end, one city will be proud to call themselves the LOSER champions.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!